Confronting Your Ex
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Confronting your ex may seem like a good idea, but often when we look back on it, it turned out to be a horrible idea. You should first consider what your motive is for confronting your ex. If you think that just getting your feelings off your chest will make you feel better, sometimes it doesn’t work that way. It can backfire, and you wind up feeling worse, especially if the two of you create a scene in public or they resort to nasty words and behavior.
Some people feel the need to express their emotions and to tell their ex just how they feel or what they felt at the time. But does your ex care about your feelings? Keep in mind most of them won’t. If you are looking to make them feel bad or feel remorse, there is a strong chance that won’t happen. When you are confrontational with an ex, your ex will usually label you as a “psycho ex” and it can then excuse them for what they did or are doing.
If you confront your ex in person, and there are witnesses, it is easy for outsiders to look at you as the bad one and think “No wonder why that relationship is over”. Don’t give your ex a way to make themselves look good and you look bad by confronting them in the wrong way. (If you have to confront them at all.)
Another thing to consider when confronting your ex is that if you actually have to confront them, they have to be avoiding you in the first place, don’t they? Otherwise you could arrange to have a conversation, and they would be willing to have one. Confronting someone is more like ambushing them. What person is not defensive or even angry when confronted? People don’t usually like confrontational people as it is. All they want to do is get the hell away from that person as soon as possible. So what are the chances they will hear you out or be open to hearing your feelings on the matter that you are forcing them to listen to? Not too great at all.
You may have found out, for instance, that your ex lied to you when you were in a relationship and now feel the need to confront them. Please keep in mind this new information you have YOU need to deal with, they already dealt with it a long time ago. This emotionally upsets YOU, and surprised YOU. Them? Not at all. Yes, you were right all along, but they KNOW THAT ALREADY. So what is the point of letting them know you were right all along? Wouldn’t it just be better to acknowledge to yourself that this is a sign that you should have trusted your instincts, that this person is a liar, and it is a good thing it’s over? Is there a point in rehashing it anymore?
Asking your ex cringe-worthy questions like “Did you ever really love me” are most likely not going to be answered truthfully anyway, and you should already know the answer to that question. If they did, you wouldn’t have to confront them, they would be coming to you. The only time it is really productive to confront an ex is when they come to you. Don’t pretend you both have amnesia and use that time to let them know how they made you feel way back then. And if you have gotten over it by yourself and truly moved on, you won’t feel the need to say anything at all.
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