Dating After Divorce: Don’t Go to His House!

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If you are dating after divorce and meeting men online, you can relate to this story about a guy who invites you over.

When a Guy Invites You to His Place

“Dear Love Coach Ronnie,

Recently, I met a guy online who he seemed very outgoing and even before we met he wanted to take me out for my birthday and spend all day with me. Since we hadn’t even met, I didn’t want to do that, so I told him a movie and a dinner would be fine. We saw a horrible movie (LOL),  had dinner and a really great time.

He wanted to show me where he lived. I followed him to his place and we went in, but didn’t stay more than 5 minutes.  He walked me to my car and we hugged. I wanted him to kiss me, but he didn’t. He later told me he wanted to hold my hand during the movie and wanted a kiss.

I Went to His House

I told him that I would love it if he kissed me next time. He invited me to his house the next day and I went over. When I got there we were really shy at first. Then he kissed me and we ended up doing the deed. Take into account he and I have come from relationships that had lasted about 6 years and we both ended with our exes.

Now I see him a lot. From the beginning I told him I wanted to go slow, but I guess we haven’t. We haven’t even been on a second date – all we do is hang out at his place. He always says he doesn’t have money. Yet spends money on ordering out, new laptop, and video games.

I Want More

It’s been two months since we met and I want more with him. He says he does too. I asked if he’d ever go to church with me and he said no and that’s really important to me. He had also told me he was not ready for a relationship and that hurt me.  I also hate that he tells me to have sex with my ex, go with my ex, Skype my ex, etc.

How should I handle this situation? I feel attached to him now, so it would be hard to let him go.
Thanks, Rosa”

When a Guy Wants to Hang Out with You

Hi Rosa,

This might not be what you want to hear.  What’s going on happens more often than you think when dating after divorce. When a guy invites you to his place or claims he wants to spend a lot of time with you before even meeting, he’s looking for sex.

You didn’t go for it on the first date, but he was patient and you went for it the second time without even going on a date. Once you went to his home, you entered into an intimate relationship with a man you only dated once.

This is why you didn’t get to know if he was the right man for you. And he didn’t have to woo you to win you over. This is an error many women make, so don’t feel bad about it. But you can learn from it. Now you know when a guy invites you to his place, he only wants one thing.

Want to Go Slow? Avoid Sex

The purpose of dating is to get to know if a man is worthy of your time. You need to “vet” a man to see if he qualifies because your time and love is valuable. You can’t know this in one date. On top of that, once you have sex, it’s impossible to remain objective – most women bond after sleeping with a man as you have.

When a guy invites you to his place, that’s a clear signal he wants sex. Keep your boundaries firm and say no. That way you get to see if he pursues you, which can mean he’s more serious about getting to know you.

Believe Him If He Says He’s Not Ready!

Dating after divorce is not easy because you crave the love and connection you miss. But you still want to pay attention to the clues men provide.  A man will often come right out and say he doesn’t want a relationship just like this guy did. He was honest! Unfortunately, most women ignore this.

Strategy Is Required to Win at Love

Dating to find lasting love requires strategy and negotiation. It’s like playing poker – you don’t show your hand if you want to win. I’m not talking about manipulation, but leveraging the fact that you are a desirable woman.

When a guy invites you to his place, you need to be smart, understand how dating works, and understand men. This is when you need to rely on your head, not your heart and hold off.

Dating After Divorce, Take It Slowly

In order to observe a man’s behavior to see if he’s a match, you need TIME. Get comfortable learning to watch what he’ll do to win you over, rather than jumping in. Otherwise you end up with a man who doesn’t share the same dating agenda as you – that’s what’s happening here.

You want a real relationship and he wants sex – that’s not a good match. He’s happy to hangout, but won’t take you out. Plus, pushing you to reconnect with your ex which is odd. Either he doesn’t want you getting attached. Or he wants to sleep with others, so he can say, “You’ve been with your ex.”

He Won’t Make You Happy

Rose – this isn’t making you happy already after just two months. As your dating coach I’m asking you to rethink the idea of leaving him and get out now before too much time goes by. You will become more and more unhappy as you long for what you truly want in a relationship. Your situation is what women fear most – SETTLING because you are now emotionally invested in the wrong man for you.

He’s Not the Only Man on the Planet!

I know you don’t want to let go, but you do want to be happy right? It’s time to move on and meet new men. Dating after divorce or any time is easier when you use the wisdom to go slowly and hold off on sleeping together.

Don’t show your poker hand and let a man know how much you like him. Do this simply by avoiding calling him,  initiating dates or sleeping with him for the first 5-8 dates. That’s the only way you’ll know what he’ll do to win you over.

Wishing you love,

dating coach, find love, meet men

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