How Marriage Affects Male Friendships
How Marriage Affects Male Friendships
Is it a good thing to keep hanging out with the boys when you get married? Many men feel like they are losing their freedom when they can’t hang out with the guys. Is it a matter of losing freedom or changing lifestyles to accommodate a partner for lifetime? How does that male friendship weave into a successful marriage? Many men find that the relationship with their bestie starts to fade away because of marital commitments. Some men find their relationship with their bestie improves as they enter into a new phase of their lives because they need to talk with someone about things their wife may not be interested in, like sports. They also seek other men perspectives without emotional involvement.
Marriage.com interviewed five random men on the subject of men, friendships, and marriages. Below is their opinion.
Best friend was best man in wedding:
Jonathon, 40, married to Carrie for 20 years still holds his best friend Mike dear to his heart. “Mike and I have been best friends so long I can’t remember when we met. However, Mike and I married two sisters. So you can see the need for us to steal some man time. We talk about our marriages as well as career moves and rearing our sons. We both love hockey and baseball. I don’t think I would still be married if I did not have Mike to talk to. He has talked me into staying many times when I thought I wanted to walk away. I am glad I stayed. Mike was the best man at the wedding.
Best friend and business partners:
James 35, married to Karen for 10 years. My best friend, Victor, was a college roommate. We started a successful furniture business together. Starting a business with someone is just like a marriage. My wife jokes about this. We talk business all day and then we go home. We see each other at business meetings and conferences. Sometimes we go to each other’s houses if something big comes up we need to talk about. However, our friendship is built on loyalty and past college days memories. Today, our friendship is more business than hanging out with the guys. But make no mistake about it, you have to trust your business partner and he has to be dependable in order to make the business work. The business is our livelihood and lifestyle. Our friendship is more important to me now than ever before.
Best friend and 12 step program:
Carl 27, married to Beth for four years. I met my best friend John in a 12 step program for alcoholics, five years ago. We have encouraged each other over the years and we have stayed sober. I am stronger now. I can do it without him but I am not so sure if he can without me. Beth is proud of me. John is part of the family. He is like a brother. He has a girl he is serious about. She is a non-drinker. I am happy for him. He says if his first kid is a boy he will name him after me. He respects my marriage and is supportive of it. I’m sure, we will know each other for a long time.
I’m a loner no best friends:
Eric 39 is married to Janice for 18 years. I have a great marriage. My girl is my best friend, always has been. We do everything together. I don’t trust a man around my lady. I don’t need a guy’s night out. I have two brothers that I hang out with occasionally. I never had a lot of friends in school so I never was the hang with the guy’s type. The guys I know, they try to bed every woman they are around and they are married. Every time you see me, you don’t need to see a buddie. When you see me, I am alone or with my wife. I’m good with that.
Best friend and disability:
Abe 53 has been married to his high school sweetheart, Patricia for 30 years. Abe is a disabled veteran and so is his buddy Sam. “Sam and I are best friends. We served in the army together. We were both disabled during service at the same time. We hail from the same place. Sam is married to a nice lady. We bond over our disability and we are very active with disabled veteran’s activities. Our wives can’t understand what we went through and our lives has changed because of it. We keep things in perspective so there is no problem. We watch games, talk on the cell, and go to the neighborhood watering hole, two or three time a month. It’s not going to change. To tell you the truth, I think my wife is relieved. I don’t have to depend on her for everything like a kid. She gets a break.”
In conclusion, friends serve many roles in a person’s life and often give marriages a breather because the spouses do not have to get all of their intellectual or human emotion needs met from one person. That could be overwhelming for the spouse. On the other hand, some marriages by design are made for each partner to depend totally on each other.