Investing Too Much in a Relationship
Investing too much in a relationship is one of the easiest ways to screw it up. Relationships all need a sense of balance, and when one person is investing too much in the relationship, it throws the balance off. If you are investing too much in a relationship it is most likely because the other person is investing too little. Trying to compensate for someone that is investing too little only makes matters worse. It also never works.
The more you put in, the less the other person needs to, and the less they will. You may think your constant investments will pay off, but they will almost always backfire. You can’t buy love with money. You can’t buy love by showing it to someone either. Love is an exchange between two people, not just one giving while the other is receiving all the time. There is nothing wrong with wanting to show someone how much you care. There IS something wrong with overcompensating. That is not love, that is fear and insecurity.
Unless you feel you deserve the same love you are capable of giving someone, you won’t get it in return. So how can a relationship like this stand the test of time? Don’t kid yourself, it won’t. If they are not showing love to you, because you revolve everything around them, eventually they will find someone who makes themselves a priority. For some unknown reason women have a tendency to go overboard with their expression of love. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it becomes a bad thing when they lose themselves in the process. You had a life before this person entered your life, and if you give their life priority over your own, you are not doing your relationship any favors.
Relationships are about partnerships. Partnerships are about equality. Of course things do not have to be exactly 50/50 all the time. But if all your free time is about what they want to do, and their hobbies and you constantly taking one for the team, your relationship is lacking a real partnership. Ask yourself why the one you love has not said, or demanded, that it’s your turn for a while. They may have said it, but did they actually do it? Have they tried to create a balance? No? Well, congratulations, you have spoiled them rotten and now they are obviously not thinking of the two of you as a team.
They are thinking about themselves, not you. You are not thinking of yourself either. So what kind of relationship is this? One where your loved one cares only about their happiness and so do you? Wow, how hideous. Not exactly something to be proud of. So how can you fix this? Well, it starts with you. Make yourself a part of your relationship again by loving yourself. Hold back on your efforts to constantly do for them and show them a good time. Give them the opportunity to do for you and show appreciation for all you have done. Or are you afraid they won’t deliver? Is that why you have neglected your own needs and allow the one you love to neglect them as well?
Well, if you do not turn things around that insecurity will never go away. As a matter of fact it will only get worse over time. But by pulling back, and putting yourself back in the game as a priority, you can create a sense of balance, which can help diminish your insecurity. (And, get rid of it entirely over time.)